Tryst with first love

Love is a divine word. It's an emotion which can't be expressed in words. Having crush with a female friend & having love with a lady both are two different stuff altogether. 

I was not interested in luv-shuv during college days & being an engineering student, i was also not so lucky to get my girl friend.

Decided to have love with wife, somehow got married after 6 years (A long time, personal hiccups delayed it further) of professional life. 

The qualities which i wanted in the girl, i could find in her, but i missed to know her best quality. 

We got married 4.5 years ago, life has started to change 180 degrees. A lot changed, the definitions of relationship started getting re-established. 

The way she started behaving from the second day of marriage has surprised me somewhat & my family members a lot. Sometimes she was right, sometimes very wrong. 

Somehow my mother & she couldn't have proper relationship-reason is quite simple, she was expecting same as that of her mother from my mother without having that bonding & my mother wanted her to establish a bonding. In fact, i urging to most of her wishes made my mother more worrysome.

Things started flowing in place slowly, but not the way it should. In fact, i had to ask everytime about the environment so that everyone is okay or not, can be checked.

I loved her more than me and on top of it, i believed her much more than me.

But this luv-shuv ka dayra couldn't go far beyond 6 months. She had many more issues with my family & then she made me her target to come out of the relationship, I was literally in awe, could never imagine this. 

After a lot of deliberations from her side, i decided better not to continue with the relationship. 

I still remember some of the great moments & some memories with her like-

One of the best Indian couple outside india for a week.

The way she interacted with unknown people was fascinating for me, as I was introvert those days.

The day I called her for settling the issues, discuss & move ahead with re-kindling the issues, she said to convince her parents, after me talking to her parent, she become violent and then the abuse of my family, I couldn't tolerate this, on next day it was more than 60 missed calls, but i didn't want to go ahead with the relationship from that day.

The day she called me (just before the first judgement in dowry case) that do i still trust her.

Her words 'Na toh akal hai na hi aukaat'.

Then a long list of legal stuff, settlement with money, still waiting for formal divorce.

I still remember the 6 months of great companionship (although both families were not happy with many of the stuff). 

Still the 1.5 years of torture, 2.5 years of time buying & time torture post this companionship breaks me from inside.

The way she takes action backed by her parents really give me a thought is this the way a educated lady behaves.  

There are lot more to say, but i got hurted today again because of her, as her actions-inactions has forced someone else to cry who is not my family member till date. 

If there is any divine power within this world, please fulfill my only wish related to her- Give me freedom from her, legally, emotionally.

I just want to come out of her, without any emotions related to her & move ahead in life.

Log kehte hain 'Pehla pyaar sabko nahin milta, ek baar dil tootna bhi jaroori hota hai, but har kisi cheez ki limit hoti hai, is pyaar ne meri zindagi ke 4 precious years barbaad kiye hain, i just don't want to devastate my life further.

Please please please............